Clients and friends have been sharing their concerns, fears, and challenges about the way to say it for years. The way to word things. What to say in tough, uncomfortable conversations.
I hear comments like these about work:
“I can’t have THAT conversation cause I don’t know the way to say it”
“I want to end this drama and clear the air, but where do I begin? I have no idea what to say.”
“I deserve a raise, but I just don’t know how to ask for it.”
“I can’t talk to my boss at all. I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing and getting fired.”
When it comes to tough conversations at home, things sound like this:
“I’m really mad at her, but I don’t know how to say it without ruining everything.”
“No, we NEVER TALK ABOUT that!”
“I tried once to talk about that and I really screwed things up worse. It’s better to say nothing.”
When it comes right down to it, most of us end up not saying it at all. Rather than work through our awkwardness or discomfort or fear of not being liked, we skip the difficult conversation altogether.
People worry. What if I say the wrong thing? What if they don’t understand me? What if I make things worse? Suppose they cry, or yell? All sorts of fears come up around the way to say it. So rather than say it wrong, we say nothing. We stuff feelings. Withhold the truth. We just don’t say it. We procrastinate, ignore and silently hope the issue will go away.
Nope. Not a chance. Actually, things get worse when we ignore what needs to be said. Eventually we have to face the conversation, the talk, the issue, the truth, and by the time we do, our silence has created more damage, separation, distance and misunderstanding. Silence is not the answer. Issues don’t just go away and at some level we know this.
The answer….The Way to Say It. This blog is a place where you’ll find guidance, direction, ideas and real conversations about The Way to Say It regardless of what “it” is. It might be about how to word a poor performance review, how to react to poor service, or how to request a raise. Or we’ll talk about those unspoken conversations at home, like what to say to your college graduate daughter when she moves back home, or even how to end an unhappy relationship. Whatever it is, The Way to Say It¸ is the place to learn to talk it through, to phrase it well, to face the conversation that we would really prefer to run from. It’s about leaning in and saying what needs to be said and doing so with a certain amount of ease and grace.
The possibilities are tremendous and freeing, and I promise, it’s not as hard as it seems. Stay tuned for more blog posts, services and support on The Way to Say It!